I sit in bed whilst E cries uncontrollably and there is nothing I can do to console her.
We’ve just found out her sister, who E is very close to has just given birth to her 2nd child. A girl.
E always wanted a girl. She has thought of names, but I don’t want to hear them, because it may not happen. E is worried her sister might take the names she thought of.
There are lots of kids with similar names round here: Freya, Oscar, Noah, Alfie, Sonny. Everyone is so predictable.
It’s been a rocky couple of weeks.
IVF cycle 3 failed.
We did everything this time but still it failed. E underwent steroids and Clexane but still it failed.
We thought. Why? On paper it should be working. We have donor sperm. AMH is good. Womb lining is good. Day 5 blastocysts were formed. Why is it not happening?
Is it the genetics of the eggs? We thought we need to see a new specialist, maybe elsewhere. Talk about PGS (Pre implantation Genetic Screening)- maybe that will help?
We looked up clinic and found one 50 miles away. We booked a consultation for a week later. E felt better because we were doing something. I just wanted her to be happy…
Then twice this week, in succession two random men, 34 and 39 came in wanting vasectomies. (I’m a GP btw). They had completed their families. I looked at their ages on the PC. I sighed to myself. I’m 39. I felt time going by. My dad had me at 34 and my sister at 39…
We have a follow up appointment booked with our specialist. We’ll discuss some of the things we chatted about with the PGS infertility specialist.
The 3rd IVF cycle was the best we ever had. 2 early blastocysts put back into her womb. I’ve realised that to improve our odds, we need two more attempts of this 3rd cycle. Because 1 & 2 were trial runs. You need 3-4 goes of your best cycle. But I’m anxious about the costs. I’m always worried about it, but I’ve decided I’ll do extra shifts.
E has settled down a bit. Today will be difficult. But we were expecting this to happen and it’s best we know today, on a weekend, rather than on a weekday.
5 years. Watching friends and family who weren’t even thinking of having kids, have them. We are in limbo.
I want to cry, but I can’t…