Powerless

It’s been a crap day today.

E went for her scan and we were hoping the continued down regulation (about 5 weeks now) would result in the necessary end point ie menopause, but no, that was not what happened.

E was told her follies were getting bigger and her womb lining was getting thicker. The ‘nice nurse who knew her well’ proceeded to tell her it was strange to not respond to the nasal spray and it was most unusual. That comment did not help.

E was gutted by the news and as was I when I spoke to her. She said she cried on the way home. I SO WANTED to have been with her and console her, but couldn’t get home due to the busy work day.

I just feel powerless.

As a GP and a doctor of 10 years, I can’t do anything to make this fertility journey any easier medically wise. NHS fertility services are slow, nurse led and feels robotic and chaotic.

Sometimes I wish I was just a regular layman with no medical knowledge to cloud my thoughts and feelings.

I’m anxious to see how E is especially as she’s been at a work event all evening and although I know she’s held it together, I’m sure she is heartbroken.

Now just have to wait and see what the plan is next, but feel we might have to take the hit and go private, hoping for better fertility care.

6 thoughts on “Powerless

  1. I’m just starting the same journey, and I can tell you that I’ve felt powerless every step along the way. I was hoping that it’d get better, but if you’re the standard, I need to get a thicker skin and more patience. Best of luck going forward!

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  2. I’m so sorry to hear this. You say NHS so I’m assuming you are in the UK. A very good friend of mine out here is British and she had IVF in the UK. She did the NHS one first and then moved onto private when that didn’t work (because I believe you only get one free round?). She said the difference in care was staggering. Once she saw how much monitoring the private clinic did she became of the view that NHS is rolling the dice a lot of the time. They give you the drugs, send you off and hope for the best. It is aaaages after that before they monitor so you can be doing the wrong thing for a long time before they pick it up. Just thought i’d pass the info on.

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    1. Don’t think so. Everything on the NHS is done for affordability. They’ve told E that the short protocol is the next stage but no chance doing it before Xmas, so now the option is to see the fertility doctor and restart treatment early next year. In the meantime E is going to rest her body and self.

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