Grief

Last Weds we did the pregnancy test and got the BFN.

Unfortunately rather being able to spend time with E, I was committed to working as one of the doctors (as a volunteer) at the Glastonbury Festival 2014.

I felt really bad that I was going to be away whilst E was by herself. E managed to go away and visit her Mum in France and soak up the sun rays by their pool.

I kept tabs on E whilst at Glasto.

I got home Monday AM and E got home Monday PM. We chatted but things didn’t feel right. Then E saw a photo of a random girl I’d met through a friend, assumed the worst and became very upset.

The next day E went to the fertility clinic for the first day of her new cycle. Because of work, I couldn’t go with her.

At work, I texted and called her after the expected appointment time but got no answer. I was worried. I managed to get an hour or so off work to pop home (I live near to work which is great) and found her in bed.

E was crying, blaming herself for all her and any failures and seemed really down. I tried to support her and felt quite worried going back to work, but didn’t feel she was depressed, only suffering with grief.

Grief. That’s what the failure of a cycle together with the stress of having infertility causes.

Grief is often associated with death, but I felt E was experiencing grief and the best thing to do was to let her grieve! To let her cry.

We talked more.

The next day she seemed better emotionally. We decided that it was important to spend some quality time with each other and booked a weekend away this week.

2 thoughts on “Grief

  1. Good for you too! The fact that you’re talking and not giving up on each other is so important. Be kind to yourselves while you go through this phase in the process. It is a very raw time.

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